Nanqueegflap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, caring goblin.

Nanqueegflap created a down quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nanqueegflap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nanqueegflap, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nanqueegflap's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Nanqueegflap's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not kill grasshopers.

3. Never eat carrots.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not wear cyan clothing.