Titbittarg is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, emotional tortoise.

Titbittarg created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Titbittarg, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Titbittarg, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Titbittarg's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Titbittarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt sheep.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Titbittarg.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not run in public.