Vonpagtif is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, merciless whale.

Vonpagtif created the planet Jupiter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vonpagtif, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vonpagtif, she will torture you forever.

Vonpagtif's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Vonpagtif's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Erect eight gold sculptures of Vonpagtif on top of important buildings.

4. Never eat tomatoes.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.