Larnvaddam is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, charitable wyrm.

Larnvaddam created a strange quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Larnvaddam, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Larnvaddam, it will make you grow a tail.

Larnvaddam's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Larnvaddam's Holy Commandments

1. Put Larnvaddam first in all things.

2. Run away from fawn horses, for they are unholy.

3. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Larnvaddam on top of all buildings.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Never bounce in holy places.