Tifjenpang is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, clever squid.

Tifjenpang created the planet Mars nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifjenpang, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tifjenpang, he will turn you into a hamster.

Tifjenpang's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Tifjenpang's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not take Tifjenpang's name in vain.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tifjenpang.

5. Respect your elders.