Higspagmeg is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, selfish snail.

Higspagmeg created the Large Magellanic Cloud two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Higspagmeg, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Higspagmeg, he will boil you in a big pot.

Higspagmeg's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Higspagmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not speak about pineapples.

4. Do not eat carrots.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.