Xucknutsag is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, dishonourable tapir.

Xucknutsag created energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xucknutsag, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Xucknutsag, he will be very unhappy.

Xucknutsag's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Xucknutsag's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Always wear cyan.