Bitvidtarg is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, unfair porpoise.

Bitvidtarg created the planet Jupiter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bitvidtarg, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bitvidtarg, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bitvidtarg's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Bitvidtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not eat tomatoes.

3. Always wear cyan.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Bitvidtarg loves eagles, so they must be honoured.