Bapsagmumjen Sigvonkvon is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, ill-tempered zebra.

Bapsagmumjen Sigvonkvon created a down quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapsagmumjen Sigvonkvon, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bapsagmumjen Sigvonkvon, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Bapsagmumjen Sigvonkvon's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Bapsagmumjen Sigvonkvon's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Do not sing in public.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

5. Never think about comets.