Jontailjab is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, resourceful pigeon.

Jontailjab created the Virgo Supercluster two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jontailjab, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Jontailjab, she will turn you into a slug.

Jontailjab's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Jontailjab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine gold sculptures of Jontailjab on top of important buildings.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Jontailjab.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. Jontailjab loves goats, so they must be respected.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.