Vigyimvan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, almighty ant.

Vigyimvan created a charm quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Vigyimvan, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vigyimvan, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Vigyimvan's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Vigyimvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never feed beans to hamsters while wearing brown shorts.

4. Do not run in public.

5. Hide if seven great tits approach from the east.