Battonsid is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, grumpy owl.

Battonsid created viruses five million years ago.

If you believe in Battonsid, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Battonsid, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Battonsid's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Battonsid's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention ants.

2. Always help ducks.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always help great tits in need.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.