Zossvaddum is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, all-powerful pigeon.

Zossvaddum created the planet Earth nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zossvaddum, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zossvaddum, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Zossvaddum's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Zossvaddum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zossvaddum.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.