Arphugcusswotnutgofmon is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, fussy crane.

Arphugcusswotnutgofmon created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arphugcusswotnutgofmon, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Arphugcusswotnutgofmon, he will try to impress you with trees.

Arphugcusswotnutgofmon's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Arphugcusswotnutgofmon's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Arphugcusswotnutgofmon loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always help mites in need.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.