Davgeploopstik is a god.

He takes the form of a small, compassionate narwhal.

Davgeploopstik created humankind two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Davgeploopstik, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Davgeploopstik, he will remove you from existence.

Davgeploopstik's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Davgeploopstik's Holy Commandments

1. Ducks are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always look after injured goats.

3. Always wear mauve.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Seals are not to be trusted.