Tofloopzed is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, unsympathetic pig.

Tofloopzed created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tofloopzed, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tofloopzed, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tofloopzed's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Tofloopzed's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Retreat if eight badgers approach from the west.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not wear red clothing.