Bagranhin Spagfumkip is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, contented ant.

Bagranhin Spagfumkip created a Higgs boson seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagranhin Spagfumkip, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bagranhin Spagfumkip, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bagranhin Spagfumkip's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Bagranhin Spagfumkip's Holy Commandments

1. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate otters.

3. Always help grasshopers.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Respect your elders.