Stignatgep Vagganyak is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, self-assured narwhal.

Stignatgep Vagganyak created a charm quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Stignatgep Vagganyak, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Stignatgep Vagganyak, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Stignatgep Vagganyak's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Stignatgep Vagganyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in holy places.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not drink alcohol.