Zakpanggum is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, deceitful rhinoceros.

Zakpanggum created the Sun eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zakpanggum, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Zakpanggum, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Zakpanggum's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Zakpanggum's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Run away if four gulls approach from the south.

4. Always help mice in need.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.