Flatpomlad is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, staggering elephant.

Flatpomlad created silver two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatpomlad, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flatpomlad, he will turn you into a hamster.

Flatpomlad's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Flatpomlad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.