Ortnellzag is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, able lion.

Ortnellzag created tapeworms three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortnellzag, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ortnellzag, he will turn you into a rock.

Ortnellzag's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Ortnellzag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never wear blue shoes.

5. Never go into cyan rooms.