Yarlcaprut Kipafkantif is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, all-powerful naga.

Yarlcaprut Kipafkantif created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlcaprut Kipafkantif, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarlcaprut Kipafkantif, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Yarlcaprut Kipafkantif's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Yarlcaprut Kipafkantif's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Yarlcaprut Kipafkantif.

2. Do not eat wheat.

3. Do not take Yarlcaprut Kipafkantif's name in vain.

4. Never eat beans.

5. Put Yarlcaprut Kipafkantif first in all things.