Nuttbonknad Nartquatbiss is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthoughtful mink.

Nuttbonknad Nartquatbiss created a strange quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttbonknad Nartquatbiss, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nuttbonknad Nartquatbiss, he will turn you into a puffin.

Nuttbonknad Nartquatbiss' most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Nuttbonknad Nartquatbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat corn.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never feed cucumbers to gulls while wearing brown dresses.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always wear magenta.