Yarpcenyat is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, uncaring unicorn.

Yarpcenyat created humanity eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpcenyat, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Yarpcenyat, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Yarpcenyat's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Yarpcenyat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear purple tights.

2. Never wear shoes.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Yarpcenyat loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

5. Retreat if five ducks approach from the north.