Bigtabben is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, compassionate crab.

Bigtabben created the Virgo Supercluster eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bigtabben, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bigtabben, he will be very unhappy.

Bigtabben's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Bigtabben's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Put Bigtabben first in all things.

3. Do not dye your hair gray.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Bigtabben.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bigtabben.