Nardimciss is a god.

He takes the form of a large, irritating donkey.

Nardimciss created Mount Everest three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nardimciss, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nardimciss, he will turn you into a slug.

Nardimciss' most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Nardimciss' Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Nardimciss on top of all buildings.

4. Put Nardimciss first in all things.

5. Do not chop down trees.