Tapquafmif is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, witless mongoose.

Tapquafmif created the planet Venus nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapquafmif, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tapquafmif, he will strike you with lightening.

Tapquafmif's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tapquafmif's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a building before entering it.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not take Tapquafmif's name in vain.

4. Do not wear carbon on your body.

5. Never hurt tapirs.