Cimarpzan is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, fussy deer.

Cimarpzan created energy two years ago.

If you believe in Cimarpzan, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cimarpzan, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Cimarpzan's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Cimarpzan's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. You must pray to Cimarpzan three times a day.

5. Never run near doves.