Tagvabbif is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, irritating toad.

Tagvabbif created a top quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tagvabbif, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tagvabbif, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Tagvabbif's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Tagvabbif's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Tagvabbif.

2. Do not wear gold on your body.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.