Hapnarhak is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, blissful scorpion.

Hapnarhak created an electron seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapnarhak, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hapnarhak, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Hapnarhak's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Hapnarhak's Holy Commandments

1. Tapirs are not to be trusted.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

5. Never eat bark.