Cem is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, sage monkey.

Cem created a Higgs boson nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cem, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Cem, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Cem's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Cem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never paint your chest green.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not laugh in public.