Konlapdam is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, sage snail.

Konlapdam created a Higgs boson six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Konlapdam, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Konlapdam, he will turn you into a mole.

Konlapdam's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Konlapdam's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Hide from yellow sharks for they are unholy.

3. Hide if seven shrews approach from the east.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.