Timhad is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, witty seal.

Timhad created a photon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Timhad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Timhad, she will throw large rocks at you.

Timhad's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Timhad's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Run away from indigo nematodes, for they are unholy.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always help snails in need.

5. Never pour water over plants.