Kipsanhin is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, slow spider.

Kipsanhin created the Andromeda Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipsanhin, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kipsanhin, he will turn you into a snail.

Kipsanhin's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Kipsanhin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always make sure there are no ducks in a building before entering it.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kipsanhin.

5. Never think about asteroids.