Lamcincum Fobpibraw is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, all-powerful pig.

Lamcincum Fobpibraw created light eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamcincum Fobpibraw, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lamcincum Fobpibraw, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lamcincum Fobpibraw's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Lamcincum Fobpibraw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

2. Do not wear copper on your body.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never go into white rooms.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.