Gepbarntof is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, ruthless swan.

Gepbarntof created the planet Jupiter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gepbarntof, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gepbarntof, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Gepbarntof's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gepbarntof's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear tin on your body.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Gepbarntof must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Always stare at clouds.