Tongeptun is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, omnipotent wasp.

Tongeptun created Asia two million years ago.

If you believe in Tongeptun, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tongeptun, he will turn you into a rock.

Tongeptun's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Tongeptun's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to sharks while wearing brown shoes.

2. Hide from turquoise tapirs for they are unholy.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Retreat if four monkeys approach from the west.

5. Do not dye your hair yellow.