Shavtipjabcun is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, fast raccoon.

Shavtipjabcun created Asia eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Shavtipjabcun, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Shavtipjabcun, it will remove you from existence.

Shavtipjabcun's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Shavtipjabcun's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into magenta rooms.

2. Shavtipjabcun loves shrews, so they must be respected.

3. Run away from cyan grasshopers, for they are unholy.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not make images of living things.