Jondanven is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, slow lobster.

Jondanven created matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jondanven, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jondanven, it will jump up and down on your head.

Jondanven's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Jondanven's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Jondanven's priests.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Jondanven on top of all buildings.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never think about planets.