Tiprutgil is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, fussy octopus.

Tiprutgil created a strange quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tiprutgil, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tiprutgil, it will turn you into a hamster.

Tiprutgil's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Tiprutgil's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never feed peas to foxes while wearing magenta coats.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Tiprutgil on top of all buildings.