Jopquamlit is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, vain centaur.

Jopquamlit created silver five billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopquamlit, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jopquamlit, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Jopquamlit's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Jopquamlit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Jopquamlit's name in vain.

2. Worship no other gods but Jopquamlit.

3. Retreat if nine monkeys approach from the west.

4. Jopquamlit loves mites, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not eat rice.