Hapwatzog is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, vain dragon.

Hapwatzog created the Large Magellanic Cloud four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapwatzog, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Hapwatzog, it will have a low opinion of you.

Hapwatzog's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Hapwatzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat cucumbers.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always obey Hapwatzog's priests.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. Do not listen to music.