Yarpwatfun is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, benevolent lobster.

Yarpwatfun created humanity two billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpwatfun, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yarpwatfun, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Yarpwatfun's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Yarpwatfun's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine mice approach from the west.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. Do not eat turnips.

5. Never go into violet rooms.