Arnmifzag Laphadsab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, humorless unicorn.

Arnmifzag Laphadsab created a bottom quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Arnmifzag Laphadsab, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Arnmifzag Laphadsab, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Arnmifzag Laphadsab's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Arnmifzag Laphadsab's Holy Commandments

1. Put Arnmifzag Laphadsab first in all things.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Arnmifzag Laphadsab loves bats, so they must be honoured.

5. Never hurt geese.