Gutlinquat is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, merciless raccoon.

Gutlinquat created a Higgs boson twelve years ago.

If you believe in Gutlinquat, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gutlinquat, he will destroy your home solar system.

Gutlinquat's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Gutlinquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Worship no other gods but Gutlinquat.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. Hide if nine ants approach from the west.

5. Always help mites in need.