Larnloopjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, calm turtle.

Larnloopjarn created snails seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Larnloopjarn, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Larnloopjarn, he will turn you into a mouse.

Larnloopjarn's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Larnloopjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from turquoise horses, for they are unholy.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always look after injured rats.

5. Always help tapirs.