Tanlantoffuthadzenqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, ill-tempered chinchilla.

Tanlantoffuthadzenqueeg created life four million years ago.

If you believe in Tanlantoffuthadzenqueeg, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tanlantoffuthadzenqueeg, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Tanlantoffuthadzenqueeg's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tanlantoffuthadzenqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn ants for they are unholy.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Do not shave your head.