God is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, witless hyena.

God created a Higgs boson eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in God, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in God, he will turn you into a dog.

God's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

God's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate badgers.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never wear orange jumpers.