Kapbessced is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, idiotic pig.

Kapbessced created the Black Eye Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kapbessced, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kapbessced, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Kapbessced's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Kapbessced's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silver sculpture of Kapbessced on top of all buildings.

2. Run away if nine snakes approach from the west.

3. Put Kapbessced first in all things.

4. Never wear blue tights.

5. Do not jump in public.