Jatyamjarn is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, uncaring bear.

Jatyamjarn created the Small Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jatyamjarn, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jatyamjarn, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Jatyamjarn's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Jatyamjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from green moths for they are unholy.

2. Do not kill voles.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never go into fawn rooms.

5. Do not make images of living things.